I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
