He had one of those small greek statue penises
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize