cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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