...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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