I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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