I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
