I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
