I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I think your dad took our porno
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
