yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
She told me I should be a condom model.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
We need to get me chipped asap
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
