Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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