Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
A bitchslap is in order.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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