bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
