She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
