My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
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