I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
