This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
