Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
