I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
