Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
