I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
