omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
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