i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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