Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
