I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
