You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
