Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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