batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
