bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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