just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
