stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
