that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
