Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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