I got her a Nickelback box set.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
