Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
