Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Randomize
