I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I think I just shit out all my problems.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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