Please, let me fuck your mom
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I'm both gender and math confused
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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