I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
