We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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