Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
