Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
