He uses pillows to masturbate.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Everclear isn't food dammit
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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