she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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