He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
