i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
