I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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