At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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