i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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