She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
