ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
