trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
