I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
