I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
