Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
