Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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