She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
