Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
