what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
