My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
