so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize