Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
