Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
