If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
