I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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