there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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