I wish I could teleport
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
