i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize