Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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