Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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